peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
