Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm passing your future prison.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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