i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think my fart just growled at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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