I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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