We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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