you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
