first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk is a universal language darling
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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