Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize