Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you

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(631): View more from New York

I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

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(310): View more from California

it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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(434): View more from Virginia

The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.

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(251): View more from Alabama

yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..

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