a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
