Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.

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(574): View more from Indiana

almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea

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(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.

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(949): View more from California

Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

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(248): View more from Michigan

My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl

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(818): View more from California

I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.

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