so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
