If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
