Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
