does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
