I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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