I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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