Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
