he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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