So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
