Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
