your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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