She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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