Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
