I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We're too hungover to prance.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
