i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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