meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
