I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
