I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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