Cold hands, warm shart.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just puked most of my soul out..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
