i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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