next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
