Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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