There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
