I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
