he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
