Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
