youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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