I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
