i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
