I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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