good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
