you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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