my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
