Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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