youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
