If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
