I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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