It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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