Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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