I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
