Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
