Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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