the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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