I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
