He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize