if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
