ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
