So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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