Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
