2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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