just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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