i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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