Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
