Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize