Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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