Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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