we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
