All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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