I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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