Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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