I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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