There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
