I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize