So drunk its hurt
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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