girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
