Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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