i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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