Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
