i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
