Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
