Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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