All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
