i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
