Tell her she can't have a vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
