I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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