He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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