She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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