took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
