My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
