I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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