They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
