Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
