I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
