Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
