A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
