just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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