what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize