My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
