just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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