I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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