happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
not ubering you a puppy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
