I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
