I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
