In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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